Toby meltzer truth
Dr. Toby Meltzer is a Dangerous Surgeon, Be Careful
Introduction
NOTE: Toby is currently being investigated by Blue Cross of Arizona, the Arizona Medical board and Honorhealth. He was fired by Kaiser Permanente of San Francisco / Oakland for abusing his patients. Toby is extremely charming but profoundly delusional about what a good SRS result it. If you have been abused or disfigured by Toby please contact me at tobyarticle@gmail.com.
Toby’s two-step method is outdated and often leads to terrible looking and poorly functioning results. You only have one chance with this surgery and you are at serious risk of having a terrible result with Toby.
SEE PHOTOS OF TOBY MELTZER’S SURGICAL RESULTS
I was totally shocked and horrified when I saw my final sex-reassignment surgical result from Toby Meltzer of Honorhealth. I was crushed and devastated. I cried for days. Toby's surgery left me deeply traumatized, confused and hopeless. He ruined my life. I was then shocked again when I saw him at a later date and he said it was a great result. I froze in disbelief, speechless and stunned. Toby's ability to gaslight patients is extraordinary. Why would you make a vagina with no clitoral hood? With no tissue covering the urethra, vaginal opening or clitoris? The vaginal depth was also significantly less than it should have been. He told me that "a lot of women's vaginas look like that." So, he disfigured me, then totally lied to my face. It looked terrible. It defied all logic or rationale. Sex was awkward and painful. It was almost completely useless. I had little interest in being sexual. How could he think this was a great result? His response to my concerns was literally to tell me “Just don’t open your legs.” Holy Shit. Unbelievable. This guy actually told me to not open my legs. How cruel. This is classic narcissistic abuse. I eventually realized that this guy was delusional, dangerous and a threat to the trans community. Just look at the photos and read the reviews.
I was so shocked and heartbroken when Toby told me “just don’t open your legs” in response to my concerns.
PATIENT REVIEWS:
“Toby disfigured me too. I have felt so mortified and so so alone…I have been struggling with the repercussions of Meltzer’s technique for five years. There’s not a day that goes by without me thinking about having a revision with another surgeon…I’ve felt so alone in my misery that was so cruelly inflicted by Meltzer.” - Review from Dr. Meltzer patient.
“I am depressed and disgusted with the $ I paid him…I wish I had gone to another Dr. Aesthetically it doesn’t look that good either.” -Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
"Don’t go through with it if it’s with Toby. Just don’t. I have seen the photos and it’s horrendous.” - Review from trans person
“I’m very unhappy and regretful for not going somewhere else.” -Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
“I’m looking for surgeons to fix Meltzer's botched vaginoplasty. Specifically, surgeons who can create labia minora and clitoral hood to improve anatomical correctness since meltzer's two-stage surgery didn't give me either of those things…My quality of life has been very low after surgery.”
“My vagina does not function whatsoever. I have no depth at all and close to no sensitivity. I decided against a second surgery due to how poorly the initial results were…I am obviously heart broken with the way it functions. Six years later and I’m still often depressed with the way he left me.”
“The most recent one I saw looked like two lumps of skin were put on both sides of the cavity and he called it a day. As far as I’m concerned, that shit is nothing more than butchery.” -Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
“I went to Meltzer in AZ...ugh. I’m not very happy with how it looks, I have no labia minora, my “clit hood” is just labia majora sewn together above my clit. It doesn’t pass at all :( I’m very disappointed.” - Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
“Does anyone have an actual labia minora? I don’t…I don’t see how anyone could have a passing vulva.” - Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
“One Meltzer patient showed me her vulva and in looking at it I was immediately convinced not to have SRS with Dr. Meltzer. Granted, anatomically correct appearance is one of Dr. Meltzer’s great weaknesses.”
“Believe it or not I have seen TWO Meltzer results in my lifetime and if I could be so blunt they just looked like “gaping holes” like paper towel rolls, no pronounced labia major or minor.”
"I had a friend who...went to him. She had a year or more of a horrible recovery and revisions. It sounded like hell =/."
“It is like the second stage [labiaplasty] wasn’t performed..very little labia.” -Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
”People need to know before they think to go to him. I lost my sexual feeling. I'm thinking of death (to end my life) after that surgery with Meltzer. I live on anti-depression meds. I cry most of the time, and my dating life is over and am lonely.”-Review from Dr. Meltzer patient“I’ve also heard of 3 girls on here that don’t orgasm with Meltzer.”
“I am not happy with the results (due to (1)depth issues, (2) perineal “membrane” being present at vaginal opening so a dildo/penis has to “dip down” into the vagina from above :-(, and (3) a lack of inner labia/clitoral hood). I also found his personality & bedside manner to be a bit too casual and informal for my taste. I would give my right ear to go back to before I had SRS with Meltzer” -Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
"Toby’s result left me feeling depressed, confused and distraught. Sex was awkward, difficult and even painful because of the lack of tissue and coverage. I was embarrassed to even open my legs or go to a gynecologist. It had a significantly negative impact on me physically, sexually and emotionally.” -Review from Dr. Meltzer patient
View Photos of Toby Meltzer’s Results
I witnessed all of the signs of sociopathic behavior in Toby, the main one being extraordinary charm that flips to ice cold. Be extremely cautious.
Toby has literally been disfiguring trans women for years and then shutting patients out. He and his staff intentionally deceive and lie to them about the quality of his results and then gaslight them when concerns are raised. It’s shocking and tragic. How did he get away with it for so long? How many other serious injuries have there been? Have there been any suicides? Toby needs to be immediately suspended from operating while the proper authority investigates him and ensures the safety of patients.
He's Not Who You Think He Is
Dr. Toby Meltzer, the long time forerunner of sex-reassignment surgery aka vaginoplasty, is a dangerous surgeon. Yes, he has hype surrounding him. Yes, he is known as a really “nice” guy. But if you dig deeper, you’ll discover serious issues with his surgical results and significant communication problems with him and his staff that have led to serious injury. I am one of the transgender people he severely injured. There is a lot of criticism and poor reviews in regards to Toby Meltzer’s surgeries. He literally tells patients “Just don’t open your legs” if they don’t like his bad results. His “nice” personality is quite superficial and hollow as well. He flips from extremely charming to cold in an instant. There are some difficult truths that the trans community must now face with Toby’s surgeries and practice.
“The most recent one I saw looked like two lumps of skin were put on both sides of the cavity and he called it a day. As far as I’m concerned, that shit is nothing more than butchery.” — Online commenter
To put it simply, Toby Meltzer is not the surgeon you may think he is. What he considers a “good” SRS result for male to female surgery is both surprising and disturbing given his reputation. His “good” vaginoplasty results can leave you feeling devastated, depressed and very confused (see photos below). It’s hard to believe given his status, but until you experience it first hand or see his poor results you’d never know. I just assumed his MtF results would be wonderful, but I was really, really wrong. Trust me, I believed in him too but you may be in for a very rude awakening when you see your final result. Never in a million years would I have imagined that my result would look the way it did nor that Toby would consider it a good one. Honestly, how would you really know the truth about Toby Meltzer’s SRS results? Unfortunately, Toby’s two-stage method is outdated and leads to strange looking results. You’ve been warned.
“Everybody said, ‘Larry Nassar is a good doctor. Larry Nassar is a good guy.’ The whole gymnastics community couldn’t recognize this.”
It requires a particularly cruel and inhumane person to disfigure people as Toby has been doing without any concern for their well being. There is no discussion or explanation with patients. No warning at all. A thoughtful and caring doctor would make a patient fully aware of the range of surgical results and describe any potential limitations before the surgery. Instead his nurse will tell you after your surgery "Toby says he didn't have enough tissue." This happens to a lot of patients.
I was traumatized and devastated when I saw my final result. He disfigured me an ruined my life. I was then completely shocked when I saw Toby later and he said it was a good result. I just froze in total disbelief as he gaslighted me. Toby is one of the most damaged and delusional people I’ve ever encountered. What he’s doing is abuse. I consider him a profound and imminent threat to the transgender community. He is extremely dangerous. I repeat, he is extremely dangerous, be very careful.
Toby is a master con artist who has brilliantly duped Kaiser, Honor Health, the trans community and the public for years. The truth is now out though. He has been exposed just like other powerful men who abused their authority such as Larry Nassar, Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein. His results and the way he treats patients are now clearly documented. Once a proper investigation is done they will undoubtedly discover more neglect, terrible surgical results and malpractice. What I've uncovered is only the tip of the iceberg.
To make matters worse, when you look for answers or feedback as to why your result is the way it is or what you can do about it, Toby is gone. He never calls or checks in once you leave the hospital nor are there any channels ever made available to communicate with him. He shuts you out. I was left with the overwhelming impression that he was off limits and there would be no further contact with him personally once I left. He wants nothing to do with you. Your only recourse is to email a photo to a nurse and wait for 3 weeks for her to inquire with him during a meeting. Concerns and problems are easily lost in translation, misunderstood and not thoroughly investigated. In this process there is no way to ask a followup question with him directly or clarify to ensure everyone is on the same page. This system left me feeling powerless, confused and frustrated. This system is what led to me being severely injured.
The gap between expectation and reality in regards to Toby’s results is drastic. When I was in his clinic and finally was able to express my concerns to him about his result he literally told me “Just don’t open your legs.” Unbelievable. Toby needs to be stopped.
Carelessness & Incompetence in Toby Meltzer’s Office
Because of Dr. Toby Meltzer’s flawed communication system he negligently scheduled a labiaplasty surgery for me which ended in disaster that should have never been scheduled. It was difficult and even painful for me to have sex because there was not enough tissue covering the clitoris and vagina. All I wanted to know was if he could do anything about it. That’s it. Had he said no, which, in hindsight was the correct answer, I would have moved on. Instead, without a full understanding of my situation, having never spoken to me despite my failed attempts, and using only one inadequate photo, he erroneously said yes and scheduled a surgery. This was a huge mistake on his part that not only set the whole terrible thing in motion but also planted ideas in my head about what could be done surgically. I flew half way across the country for a labiaplasty, that, in hindsight, Toby would have never scheduled had he put a little more effort into understanding my situation. It was negligent and incompetent to say the least. He made a huge mistake. His lack of involvement led to a tragedy.
“The good thing is the patient base tends to be very well educated and they communicate through the internet, so if there is somebody out there doing bad surgery the patient will find that out.” — Dr. Meltzer, podcast interview.
As an example of how bad things are with Toby and his staff I once sent a photo to a nurse of a surgical result that represented a typical looking vagina with the appropriate amount of tissue and clitoral/urethra coverage. Several weeks later she called saying “he said he can make it look like that.” That was it. The brevity and simplicity of his response left me confused and concerned that he really didn’t understand my situation. Make it look like what? What did she think I meant? What did he think I meant? Could he really just magically make it appear that way with all of the tissue that was missing in my result? Where was Toby in this process? Why couldn’t I speak with him directly? And I had no way to follow up with him directly to ensure we were on the same page. This is exactly why his system is dangerous. It creates a significant gap between what’s in the mind of the patient and what’s in the mind of Dr. Meltzer. In my case it led to disaster because the first time he and I were actually able to address my concerns personally was literally 5–10 minutes before he operated.
When I sent a photo of my own result to Toby’s nurse I was told “I reviewed the photo with Dr. Meltzer and he said he could hood the clitoris more.” This was categorically wrong. Toby should have never said he could do that. He made a huge mistake and scheduled a surgery based on it. In order for him to actually hood the clitoris more he would have needed to remove skin and sewn together a section above the clitoris that should never have been sewed together. Again, him saying that he could do this placed certain ideas and thoughts in my head about what could be done. It would prove disastrous once I arrived for the actual revision. Again…Where was Toby in this process? Why couldn’t I speak with him directly?
At the end of the day the buck stops with Toby. It was his clinic and system that mistakenly brought a confused and frustrated patient into his office and then operated after only a few minutes of conversation. I didn’t know what was right or wrong to do surgically, I just gave suggestions based on what he had already said he could do.
Communication Issues in Toby Meltzer’s Office
I made several attempts to communicate with Dr. Toby Meltzer and his clinic but simply could not get through. As the quotes above illustrate there are clear and documented issues with communication in his practice. This email exchange with his nurse sums up my frustration with trying to speak to him:
For whatever reason I was never able to speak to him. It always felt like there was a barrier or a process blocking access to him.
At no point when I left the hospital was it recommended, offered or even suggested that I could connect with Dr. Meltzer if I needed to. There was no open channel to him. Again, I was left with the impression that he was off limits and there would be no further contact with him personally.
Toby Meltzer is a monster. He is a truly frightening individual and is extremely dangerous. I’m not over exaggerating. He has preyed upon one of the most vulnerable populations and disfigured, thrown out and neglected them. If you find that hard to believe, just think of any of the famous, well liked, powerful men who have been exposed such as Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby. Sometimes people are not who you think they are.
I also tried meeting with him. I was hoping to see him in San Francisco. That didn’t come through either. More frustration and confusion ensued. I also sent other emails to his staff expressing my frustrations and concerns with statements like “I’m devastated.” Toby was nowhere to be found. I was left feeling hopeless, confused and upset. I never really understood why my result was like this or what the proper remedy, if anything, could be. This all factored in later when the first time I got to speak to Toby about my concerns was literally 5 minutes before he was going to operate me.
Just compare Toby’s system with this statement from another prominent sex-reassignment surgeon, Dr. Marci Bowers from her website:
You will have the personal cell phone number of Dr. Bowers upon discharge and you are strongly encouraged to communicate with them with any concerns or questions.
Dr. Thomas Satterwhite, another prominent San Francisco based sex-reassignment surgeon gives his patients his personal cell phone number as well. Also, I had the phone number and email of the other surgeon I went to after Dr. Meltzer. And a recent friend who is having surgery told me she has been texting and speaking with her surgeon. Of course I never needed Dr. Meltzer’s personal cell phone number, although that would have been amazing and completely prevented my tragic situation. I just wanted to speak with him to address my concerns.
Toby is never there for you when you need him. He is unavailable and distant once you leave the hospital. He can go from extremely charming and involved to cold in an instant, a key warning sign of someone who is an unstable sociopath.
Review & Criticism of Dr. Toby Meltzer’s Results
When I first saw my final result I was devastated. I cried for days. I even called Kaiser Permanente, the contracting hospital, very distraught with my concerns. Half the tissue was missing, leaving the clitoris and urethra fully exposed if I opened my legs even slightly. If I was sitting down or kept my legs closed it looked good but in most positions it did not. Not only did it look strange but as I mentioned it made sex difficult and it was difficult for me to use personally. I never once felt comfortable even going to the gynecologist because I was so embarrassed about how it looked. I also only had 3.5" of depth whereas 5.5" — 6.5" is more common. Dilation continues to be an issue as I still have to dilate every day, despite being over 2 years out from surgery. By now I should be dilating once a week. I even dilated 4 times a day for 2 months at first, instead of the usual 1 month. I was also left with a strange tightness in my abdomen after surgery which prevented me from stretching fully, doing certain yoga poses and moving in certain ways. Granted, Toby knew all of this and considered it a “good” result. It’s shocking.
I actually spent time looking for some type of faux skin I could buy so I’d have something to rub over my vagina and clitoris. It was almost completely useless sexually unless I kept my legs closed. How Toby considers this a good result is deeply alarming.
Many consider Toby’s two-step surgical procedure outdated, more traumatic and more invasive than the current, industry standard one step procedure. For whatever reason, it is yielding less than ideal, strange looking results. It’s definitely a more complex process that requires more time, energy, recovery and resources than the much simpler one step procedure. In hindsight, there is no way I would have surgery with Toby, nor would I have a 2-step procedure. If you have the means I highly recommend seeking out another surgeon. If not, I would just ask very specific questions and seek to gain assurances from Toby about how your result will look.
The Consequences of Toby Meltzer’s Actions
I’ll never really be able to have a normal sex life again because of Toby’s negligence with the revision. I can still orgasm but now every time I get turned on it’s uncomfortable. Every time. I’ll never be able to take more than a small amount of estrogen for the rest of my life without being in a constant state of discomfort. With more estrogen in my system there is more blood flow to the vagina and it creates a constant state of tension because the part above the clitoris is sewn together and cannot engorge properly. This is catastrophic given how crucial estrogen is for me to exist in this world. I’m not sure I’ll ever date again either given both of these factors. It’s completely devastating. If there is even a moderate amount of estrogen in my system I wake up in the middle of the night every single night with my heart pounding and mind racing with PTSD symptoms. It all could have been prevented were I able to have a 15-minute conversation with Toby before I flew to Scottsdale or if Toby had given my situation the attention it deserved and never scheduled the surgery.
How long did Toby think he could get away with it before someone spoke out publicly? The poor results? The secrecy? The gaslighting? The childish behavior? The terrible communication?
Toby’s system failed me. And right after the revision when I was in the hotel and feeling distraught and devastated, in a space of terrible suffering, my sister was told by a nurse to tell me to get therapy. That’s it. Toby never called. He never checked in to ask how I was. I couldn’t speak to him. They offered no help whatsoever. After desperately waiting for three months for them to tell me if anything could be done to help me I got a letter from Toby saying he was no longer my surgeon. I’d have no SRS surgeon for life. He wouldn’t even tell me if something could be done or not. Once again, I was left alone, confused and distraught and Toby was nowhere to be seen. Do you see a pattern here? I was in tears, begging his staff member for help, assistance or guidance and he wouldn’t even speak to me. He threw me out like the garbage. And then when I sought out another surgeon for help, Toby’s unwillingness to speak to me and offer guidance led to another tragedy.
“Consider if they are extremely charming and generous — at least at first. They can be extremely charming, and then cold and distant…When people are very polar in their behavior, ranging from antisocial to extremely charming, it’s a marker of disintegration in their psyche — and it’s a red flag.” — Warning signs of a sociopath.
Death in Paradise
Paradise Valley, AZ where Dr. Meltzer’s practice is located
When I arrived in Paradise Valley, AZ for the revision surgery that Toby should have never scheduled it was the first time I would actually get to discuss my concerns and results with him personally. It was literally 10-minutes before he operated on me that I got to speak to him about my concerns that I had had for 1.5 years. Do you wonder why it turned into a disaster? Plus, he had already incorrectly told me via his nurse on two separate occasions that he could do things that he actually couldn’t.
I had been confused, distraught and disappointed with my surgical result since the beginning. There were serious problems with Toby’s surgery. I had wondered what, if anything could be done. I had all kinds of ideas and thoughts in my head, none of which were based on any sort of expertise knowledge about sex-reassignment surgery. Again some of them were based on what Toby incorrectly said was possible to do surgically. Toby’s mistake in telling me he could sew down over the clitoris more primed me into thinking that was an ok thing to do.
I assumed that Toby would just know exactly what to do because he scheduled the surgery after all. Again, I was also told that “he could make it look like that” when I sent in the sample photo of vagina with the proper amount of tissue/coverage. And I was told that he could cover the clitoris more. Both of these claims by him were incorrect.
When I arrived for the surgery it turned into me giving out suggestions of how to remedy the situation. I said how about this, or how about that…etc. When I opened my legs there was absolutely no way for me to rub over my clitoris. It was useless. I was trying to remedy the situation. He then told me “Just don’t open your legs.” He literally said that. Unbelievable. I said what if you just sew down over the clitoris like you said you could do and just go down more? He said “I’ll have to remove the skin.” I just sat there confused and was like “Ok.” It meant nothing to me. And he said “you won’t be able to access the clitoris.” I saw my friends vagina once and her clitoris was completely covered and inaccessible so I didn’t think anything of it. I thought to myself “aren’t all clitoris’ fully covered?” I didn’t understand what he was talking about. He could have just as well said he needed to relocate a nerve tip or some other thing. It was all meaningless to me. All I knew is that his result was drastically off. I was laying there with my legs open and the clitoris and urethra were completely exposed and there was literally so little tissue covering anything. I was so confused. I just had ideas in my mind based on what I was told by his nurse was possible. And keep in mind this was 5–10 minutes before he was going to operate on me. It was the first time I was speaking with him about these concerns.
Greenbaum Surgery Center where Toby Meltzer performs SRS surgeries for MtF and FtM patients.
I also assumed that he would have not done anything that he shouldn’t have. I trusted him to know what was ok and what wasn’t but I was really wrong.
He ended up sewing the labia majora down over the clitoris and even more down to above the urethra. I didn’t know any better, I just thought it’d function more like it was supposed to because there would be tissue where it was missing. I was utterly confused but he said it was ok to do so I figured it was fine. Again, I had no idea why my result was the way it was, I just know it was really problematic and was desperately looking for answers. How would I know what to do? I thought back to when the nurse told me “he can make it look like that” and told me that he could sew down over the clitoris.
It ended up being a total disaster. I knew immediately when I went out to the waiting room after the surgery that it was a huge mistake. I looked out at the setting sun and felt like I was dying. And then when I got to the hotel I began feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, a feeling of being trapped and buried alive and was extremely distraught. It was soul shaking. I broke down in tears. I was freaking out. My soul was dying. I collapsed. It was also physically tight and uncomfortable. I was totally devastated.
I don’t think I can ever communicate what it feels like to have your soul buried alive. Haunting. Eerie. Panic. Death. Terror. Torture. Those are the words that come to mind. As I write this, I can feel the anxiety again. It was utterly horrifying. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
I spent the whole night in a state of panic looking at images of vaginas online to try and figure out what we did wrong. I was still clueless about all this. From my perspective what Dr. Meltzer did was supposed to make it function more like a typical vagina. However, literally, I was dead wrong.
I didn’t sleep for two nights straight. My days were abysmal. I missed my flight home. I was crashing so hard. I was being crushed. It was torture. I was losing the beautiful feeling that came after my original surgery. A beloved part of me was dying.
Despite knowing I was really distraught as a result of the procedure Toby Meltzer nor any of his staff ever showed any interest in speaking to me or checking in with me at all. Once again, he was completely absent just as he had been during the entire time I had known him.
It was through this whole experience that I was able to see the real Toby Meltzer — a cold, insensitive, secretive, highly insecure, short tempered and even paranoid surgeon who often gets really poor looking results. He is someone who hides from and fears his patients, and he has very good reason to.
When I finally did fly back home I was in so much physical and emotional distress that I was having to meditate for 6 hours each day to just get by. I didn’t think there would be anyway I’d survive this. I still had no idea if the surgery was reversible to any degree at all. Dr. Meltzer wouldn’t tell me. I told friends that if it wasn’t I wouldn’t make it. For several months I was agonizing, hoping that we could undo what he did but Toby wouldn’t tell me anything at all. He wouldn’t help me out. He completely shut me out once again.
To make matters worse I received a letter from him saying that he was no longer my surgeon. Devastation. That’d mean I’d have no support or help with anything related to my surgery for the rest of my life.
There I was, confused, distraught, suffering and alone with no support, no surgeon and no hope. Once again Toby had abandoned me when I needed him the most.
Why would Toby cut me off as a patient for life? Why wouldn’t he be there for me when I needed him the most? Why is he so cold and cruel?
Tortured Alive
I contacted a general plastic surgeon to ask them if there was anything that could be done considering Toby wouldn’t speak to me. They said that yes, they could uncover the clitoris. However, I had no idea at that point if all of it could be undone or only part of it because Toby would not tell me. He nor his staff were of any assistance whatsoever. It turns out that part of it could not be undone as Toby removed skin and sewed the top part together. I didn’t know this and it led to more pain and suffering.
Had Toby just made himself available to me personally and said “hey, so, this is what we did and this is what to look out for” then it would have prevented further tragedy from happening. But instead, it was secrecy, hiding and coldness.
During the attempt to undo what Toby had done the surgeon hit some nerves above the clitoris, again because Toby nor his staff were willing to speak to me to warn me. If Toby had dropped his childish games and simply spoken to me like a real person this could have been avoided. But alas once again a bad situation was made worse because of Toby’s secrecy.
I cannot describe in words the torturous feeling that came next. It wasn’t really physically painful but rather psychologically devastating. Out of all of the difficult experiences I’ve had with dysphoria and surgeries this was by far the worst. There were 2 nights specifically right after the surgery where I woke up at 2am and it was the most intense, disturbing feeling of torture I’d ever felt in my life. It felt like my soul was being slow roasted over a fire. It was just complete soul torture. It was burning, burning, burning. It was death, death, death all over my body. Waves of brutal, soul haunting pain and assault would move through me. It was horrendous. I could barely move. I was non-stop crying, moaning and screaming. It was so disturbing that I begged and begged for an easy way to leave the world right then and there. It felt as if my soul was literally being killed.
I screamed and cried “momma! momma! momma!” for six hours straight throughout the night, all night.
I knew what I had to do. I had to meditate through this. I scraped myself out of bed and to my cushion. Meditating in the midst of this death was excruciating. I could barely tolerate it. It took everything I had but it was my last chance. Everything was screaming “GET OUT OF THIS EXPERIENCE,” “JUST COLLAPSE” and “DIE.” But my posture stayed firm, my concentration steady and my spirit determined. I sat and sat and sat with it. Eventually, after several hours of sitting I experienced a shift. The worst of it began to lift just enough so I could function and get through to the next step of this.
Then for 30 days straight I only got 1–2 hours of sleep a night. I’d wake up just a few hours after falling asleep in a state of intense trauma and anxiety. I was deliriously tired. I couldn’t function. I was a complete wreck. I flew a good friend out from San Francisco to be with me and essentially say goodbye. I couldn’t even drive I was so tired. I was in total survival mode. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t function. I was living on my savings. I was calling my mom everyday saying that I wasn’t going to make it. My bad situation went to worse really quickly because of Toby.
The aftermath of all of this is that I will wake up in the middle of the night in panic with PTSD if there is estrogen in my system. Thus, my choice is to take the proper amount of estrogen I need, get no sleep and be in a constant state of tension or take a smaller amount of estrogen and feel shitty on the inside. Without estrogen I’m literally dead. The experience also pulverized my soul and did significant psychological damage to me. It’s as if my sense of self and ego has been eradicated. Toby is such a nice guy isn’t he?
Conclusion
Dr. Toby Meltzer is a danger to the transgender community. What he considers a good srs result can leave patients feeling depressed, confused and devastated. He then shuts you out, showing little regard for your concerns. He and his staff will gaslight you into trying to think you have a good result when by any objective measure you do not. Toby Meltzer cannot handle any criticism at all. Serious communication issues with him and his staff mean that bad situations can turn worse very easily. The “nice guy” attitude is an act to win over new patients. Again, you’ve been warned.
To summarize my situation, Dr. Meltzer did a poor job on my sex-reassignment surgery, never made himself available to address my concerns, incorrectly said he could fix it, charged me more money to fix his original mistake, told me not to open my legs as a solution, messed me up even worse because of poor communication and then cut me off completely as a patient.
My body and soul have taken an extraordinary beating. Toby’s revision left me depressed and devastated. I only hope that me speaking out will prevent others from being victimized by Toby.
The author can be reached at tobyarticle@gmail.com. If you have any stories of negligence, poor results or problems with Toby that you’d like to share please email me.